WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
