benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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