ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
