i permit you to call me
I CAN MOONWALK!
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
