I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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