I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Your shirt... Was in my pants
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
