Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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