im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
