So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize