i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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