She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
