I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He? As in you personified your dick?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
