honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
