Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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