He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
