I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
