I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
