Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
