We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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