google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
