Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
