Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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