she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We got so high we made milksteak
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
