just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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