she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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