so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
