I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
there was a trapeze. enough said
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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