found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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