are you still at the devil's house?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
