I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
