I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize