farters have to be the big spoon...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
