Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Sext me about skeletons
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
