Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
