If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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