we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
