Heybabeimwearingurpanties
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
