So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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