you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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