But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
