You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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