I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize