Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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