just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
