But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
