My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
