Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize