Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
