4 words: hood of his car
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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