I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
