we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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