There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Girls should come with a carfax report
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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