I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
