how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
