im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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