I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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