That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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