i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize