dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
