What a fucking waste of an outfit
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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