just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
