Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
