Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
