so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
