Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
