I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
