she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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