Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
