This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
