that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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